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The Phantom of the Opera [Schumacher version]
Instant Cheese Classic
2004
Director: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Gerald Butler, Emmy Rossum, Patrick Wilson, Minnie Driver
You'll need it.
THE SETUP:
Joel Schumacher, the guy who fucked up Batman, directs this adaptation of the long-running Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. The hideously disfigured Phantom lives in the opera house and has an unhealthy obsession with one of its young stars, but she’s starting to get hot for someone else.
DISCUSSION:
OH dear. What went wrong? Well, what went right? This movie is an instant classic for lovers of cheese, though since it is well-nigh interminable, I suggest watching it at home in close proximity to a fast-forward button. Let's rip it apart, shall we?
The pairing of composer and director could not be more perfect... if you want to end up with this. In my opinion, the only way this could have been saved is not to let Lloyd Webber have any input. Then someone could have trimmed the fat (and abundant fat there is) and put something together that drew on the power of the original story. If you've never seen the 1925 silent version, you might want to watch it, as it is still great, with images that still shock, and make the story intriguing and mysterious. That at least will provide some interest while slogging through this schlock.
I haven't seen the stage version--and now I never will--but I have to say I was appalled at how lame the lyrics were. It really is like the lyricist just threw in the first words that came into his head. Someone will say "well I would," and you will say to yourself: "Okay, he is NOT going to follow that up with "if I could," but Sure Enough! That happened many, many times. Then there were things where he says something like "as to me," and you think "Okay, he's going to say "so to thee," right? Makes sense, but no, he says "so to you." It really is shocking that this made it so long on Broadway and around the world.
The cast doesn't provide much. Gerald Butler was fine, but it sure would be nice if he could sing! There were many long, Flllllaaaaattttt notes (there's one featured in the trailer, with "Let your mind take you where you want to Beeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaagggghhhhh!!!") He was also lacking in... whatever one needs to make the Phantom a figure of mystery and menace. But the director has said repeatedly that he chose the cast on youth and sexiness rather than anything else (say, talent, for instance), so I guess he achieved his aim. Emmy Rossum's performance ran the full emotional gamut from dewily blank to mistily vacant. I barely even remember Raoul (except for the most priceless cheese line of the movie: "Well, it seems clear that genius... has turned to madness!" Me and my friend exploded with laughter at that one). Miranda Richardson stood out, as she can ACT (and also underplay), and Minnie Driver ran away with the movie as the only spark of humor and life... she truly was the best part of the movie.
The film is also really dishonest in several ways, some more alienating than others... though it seems doubtful that Schumacher understands how this can really turn a viewer against a movie. The first was that SECONDS after we are informed that they didn't have electric light, a singer is onstage with a huge brilliant spotlight shining right onto her. The second is that throughout, the Phantom wears this tiny mask and that tiny mask (so much so that you start to think "so what, is just one cubic inch of his face hideously disfigured?"), but you clearly see that his hairline and upper left forehead are perfectly smooth. Once he is unmasked at the end, the whole left side of his head is messed up, and that is a CHEAT. You, Joel Schumacher, are a Cheat! And look, if a filmmaker can't even stay true to the requirements of his story, should we respect him or go along with him?
I will say that the sets and the whole look was wonderful. I love the really obvious paintings in the cemetery and rooftop scenes.
My friend and I love to get together and watch movies, mostly from the 70s, that are unbelievably cheesy, and during this movie we both had the same thought: "In 30 years, people just like us will be watching this movie and laughing!" And this movie supplies lots to laugh at. The Phantom flips his cape more often than Batman. The thing is, even the hilarity wears thin after 90 minutes, when you still have almost another 90 to go.
SHOULD YOU WATCH IT?
If you like cheese on a grand scale, but even then, friends and a fully functional fast-forward button are requirements.
